This being my first blog post, I wanted the topic to be something I am passionate about. I sat with it for quite a while since there are so many things I feel strongly about. It took me some time to get started, but once the words began to flow, thoughts to "paper" came easily enough.
The things I see and perceive in my world are filtered through my own personal lens. This lens has shaped who I have become. As I have grown, it has had an impact on my perspectives, thoughts, and attitudes towards all things around me. My lens was shaped by my experiences and the people closest to me. I try to see everything through a lens of compassion, humility, and grace, striving to create a more understanding and empathetic world for myself and those around me.
A moment that stands out in my memories, that shaped my lens, was my father's passing. It was unexpected. It was a heart attack. It happened in a remote town in which he had to be life-flighted out to OHSU. He remained on life support for three days, and for those three days, I thought of how my father viewed me through his own lens. There were apologies and the realization that my father was proud of me. It gave me some peace. I hoped it gave him peace and grace as well.
My lens of my father was one of quietness, humility, kindness, strength, forgiveness, loyalty, compassion, and grace. My father said little, and yet you knew how he felt. He had a humble heart and spirit. He did not boast. I adored him and loved that he did things without wanting recognition.
He was strong. When my siblings and I were our youngest (all three of us under three years old), his then-wife left him. He raised us alone, never once giving up on us. He will forever be ingrained in my heart for that!
He was forgiving. Though my father lived through a lot and had experienced many hurts (some of which I caused as a teenager), the ire gave way to grace and forgiveness.
And he was loyal. He was loyal to his work, his friends, his family, and his truth. His compassion and grace were evident in how he treated others and faced life’s challenges, leaving a lasting impact on everyone who knew him.
It is through my father's lens that I strive to live my life. While I know I still have work to do to live up to the image of him, I strive every day.
Becoming a mother and starting a family are life events that never leave you. They had a significant impact on shaping my lens. I have two older children from a previous marriage. Both had their own special needs growing up. My oldest was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) at two years old, and my middle kiddo was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at age 4. They've had many experiences that shaped their lens on life, and also my lens on how I perceive them.
A significant event in my eldest’s life was when he was bullied in ninth grade. One of his peers poured liquid on his backpack during PE, which got all his clothes, books, and papers wet. I was so sad for him and so angry as a parent. It was his comment that changed my lens; he said, “Mom, he is just being dumb.” I realized, then, that his lens was not what I thought it should be, BUT I did not change it to fit my ideals of injustice. I let him have his own lens and thoughts. I was proud of him.
Through these experiences with my older two, I learned the importance of humility, compassion, and grace. I understood that my children’s perspectives and responses were uniquely their own, shaped by their personal journeys. Embracing this allowed me to approach parenting with a heart full of understanding and empathy, letting go of my own preconceived notions and embracing the beauty of their individual growth.
My third and youngest child, my only daughter, continues to shape my lens on kindness, acceptance, and humility. While she is a young teenager, the amount of compassion she has for others shows a maturity beyond her years. She is a genuine soul and I love that her lens is overflowing with acceptance, compassion, and grace.
Moving forward in time to the last few years, I created an organization that has gone through its pains and its blessings. Through it all, I hold fast to my values: dignity, respect, humility, compassion, and grace. The work I do, the team I work with, the families I have within my circle, they all humble me. Their challenges and triumphs teach me the true meaning of compassion, reminding me to continue fighting and try my hardest to always do what is best for them.
When I meet new people or learn more about others, I try to look at things through their lens. There are times when I want to help shape their lens, but I have learned that most do not want their lens shaped without permission. Someone once asked me, “Did you consider asking their permission for your thoughts?" I never thought of things that way. That conversation reshaped my responses to others. Since then, I have never offered my thoughts and perspective without permission. This allows even the most difficult conversation to be heard, even if it is not received well; they have given me permission for reflection.
When I see an individual struggle to maintain control of their emotions, my lens helps guide me to provide the understanding and support they may need. At times, firmness may be required, but it is still rooted in compassion. I will always be there to offer grace for their struggle. This approach can help them feel safe and loved, fostering a sense of gratitude.
Our growing youth face many challenges and I believe in providing compassion when they need it most. Understanding that everyone has a unique history shapes their responses. My strength lies in letting them know “I hear you. I see you. I understand you. You are safe with me.”
In summary, my life's journey, shaped by my father's legacy and the experiences of raising my children, has taught me the profound importance of seeing the world through a lens of compassion, humility, and grace. This perspective guides my actions in both my personal and professional life, helping me to support and understand those around me. By embracing these values, I strive to create a more empathetic and loving environment for everyone I encounter.
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